Saturday, August 11, 2007

Life is not a John Cusack film.
I do not think that I have ever came to a better realization than this. Granted I came to this conclusion long before tonight but hey the life we all lead tends to repeat this same message time and time again within our minds.
Expectations never lead to fruition, nothing is ever as easy as the serendipitous world of Hollywood would like us to believe so that we buy our movie tickets, shut up and are happy.
Sure I am a bitter old crank but then again who among us shouldn't be? Nothing ever works out as beautifully simple as we have been expected to believe it should be.
Everything is harder than we would like and the simple step of realizing this only makes it all the more frustrating. Perfection is, and never will be achieved, and even when you come close, she is always from Milwaukee.
Always.
Yes it is self-depreciative, to be only looking towards the dark end of the spectrum but it is a hard place not to turn towards. When your entire life is spent having idealisms built into your core understanding of the world it cuts rather quick to the core to see them proved wrong time and time again. You try to fight above them, telling yourself that fuck what everyone else takes as the ideal of what life means and how they are happy; I do not need it for I am perfectly happy by myself, in my little bubble, but it is all shit. Pure shit.

No matter what we (and I use the royal we, in that I am ranting about myself) feel, solitary confinement is contrary to the human condition. Social animals that we are it makes a certain companionship an ultimate necessity, whose necessity only becomes all the more aggravating the more and more that you rage against your lack there of. The perfection that is obtained within your mind and happily cultivated by the media at large is always there, lurking as a happy crutch as to why you are alone because hey one day you will have your happenstance beautiful little romantic comedy meeting that will change your collective worlds and it will all be all-right.

But it will never occur. And you realize this and your anger at the world increases, down in that part of you that you always push to the side with your mighty intellect because hey it is inconsequential, you have friends and a great life so what does it matter? It really does not matter but that part of you always longing will always be there, making every failure all the more bitter, all the more damaging. All the more crippling, until you are raging at the ear-less, voiceless internet because you lack a common ear to speak into. Everyone around you has their happiness that is unobtainable and for that matter should not be so consuming. But it is
It always is, no matter what you say or ignore
It always is.
So you bitch and whine to the internet over what you are fully aware is inconsequential bull shit and selfish shit at that due to all the actual, physical, emotional, violent strife in the world.
But it does not matter
Because you are drunk,
and life is not a John Cusack movie
and she is always from Milwaukee